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Sunday
September 7th, 2008 at 3:21am |
okay, so i'm a little drunk. that doesn't mean that i'm a moron, or that my opinions are any less valid. for that matter, they might be clasified more valid, because when you're drunk you're totally honest about everything.
i'm pissed off. the job of the best friend is, you know, to be a best friend.
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Sunday
September 7th, 2008 at 4:24am |
on friday i found out a girl i used to be best friends with and now hate was hanging out with rachel and jason. me and vince were together, and we were supposed to go hang out with them later, but as soon as i found out about her i wanted to bail. i got so stressed i went to the bathroom and self harmed, and came out bleeding. and he just looked at me. sometimes i want to ask what it would take to ask me if i was okay. i can't remember him ever asking that. in close to five years of friendship. but i can't ask, because i'm too scared that he'd not ask anyway. leaving things unsaid is sometimes better then knowing your answer.
what would it take? honestly, i just want to know. because coming out of the bathroom dripping with blood isn't good enough. does it take being hospitalised? does it take a suicide attempt? fucksakes, would he even come to my fucking funeral? i just get SO MAD at him sometimes, and i don't think he even notices. i want him to try to call me this week to hang out, and i want to not answer. i want to not talk to him for a month, until he apoligises for making me feel worthless. but he never will, because he doesn't even understand how much he hurts me. this friendship is a lose-lose situation, because even if i do ignore him, he won't care, because he has so many other friends to hang out with. and lets not forget the S.O. like the last entry explained, nothing can be more important then the S.O.
it just sucks to be so mad, because i can never confront him. he wouldn't understand why i'm mad. i don't know if it's a female thing, or if it's just a me thing. i fucking hate it so much. life is seriously nothing but god laughing at you, wondering how he can cause you more pain.
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