so, uh, on tuesday i did the most moronic thing i've ever done in my life. which led to me having the worst panic attack i've ever had. the problem is, i feel like i'm in the calm of the hurricane right now. there were three things the moronic deed could affect, and the first already turned out okay. i find out about the second on monday, and the third not until mid-august. all three, if they had the bad conclusion could wind up in suicide. however, the first thing my parents said was "you have to promise not to kill yourself" and i did. i suppose i could break my promise, but i like to think i'm a different person then i was in grade 10. i will be less vague when i find out the second thing my idiocy could affect's conclusion. which is tomorrow, it's just i'm pretty stressed about it, and a rant, even a vague rant, is helpful.

fuck, i am such a moron.