okay, so i'm a little drunk. that doesn't mean that i'm a moron, or that my opinions are any less valid. for that matter, they might be clasified more valid, because when you're drunk you're totally honest about everything.

i'm pissed off. the job of the best friend is, you know, to be a best friend.


i haven't slept properly since monday due to schooling, i ate friday at 7pm then saturday at 10pm, so i feel a bit sick from over-eating after not eating, i'm hardcore overheating and i get heat sick (as in passing out) and i just want to go home. it's 2.30 in the morning, i could call my dad to come pick me up but the best friend advises against it, ignoring the fact that i may faint at any moment. my best friend's boyfriend has a car, but instead of offering to drive me home, they just take off without even bothering to come say goodbye (i'm in the bedroom, because if i stay around supposed best friend while he laughs at me, i may slap him, and i don't want to create that much drama).

i get it, really. i'm just the stupid useless faghag. when i'm sober i don't want to believe it's true, but when i'm drunk i'm better able to face facts: best friends are nothing in comparison to the person you're dating. jason has rachel, vince has ross, and i literally have no one, because not only do i not have a girlfriend, in a pinch jason would pick rachel and vince would pick ross. i get that they want to go home and fuck, and not have to drive five minutes out of their way to drop me off at home. but just because i understand it, doesn't mean i can't be sad or angry about it.

nearly a third of my college class is getting married sometime this year. they're all in their early 20's. maybe my views are whorish, maybe i don't understand because i haven't dated yet. but i think if you're 20, you should still be looking around, not stapling yourself down to something that's "close enough" i just, i don't get why everyone wants to settle down and completely forget that they used to have friends. you don't need to have sex with someone for them to be meaningful in your life.

there's this lyric on the holywood album of MM. it goes 'i saw the pregnant girl today, she didn't know that it was dead inside. even though it was alive, some of us are merely born to die.' again, i'm being pretty hardcore emo. but what if it's true? what if some people just aren't meant to stick around? what if some people don't have the personality to live out a full life?

as much as i think sex is fun and natural and meaningful and good, i don't see how having sex with a certain person means they're suddenly more important then everyone else in your life. but every other person i know thinks it does, and if i can't understand that, if i can't understand the basic rule of sex=elevated status, then maybe i'm really not meant for this. i'm not necessarily saying suicide, either. just, maybe i have to learn to accept the fact that if everyone else thinks differently then i do, then i can't have real friends. and hey, what's the point in friendship anyway, if it gets kicked to the curb when something more important comes up?